Rogan Read online

  "I don't believe it was your fault."

  "I gave up on Tori after she was hurt. I'd finally learned my lesson. When I try… with a woman, it leads to disaster. Every time. That's why I had to leave you alone. I'm no good for you." He shook his head and rubbed his hand over the nape of his neck.

  "That's not true."

  "Last year, five months after Brightman took office as secretary of state, she sent me Jericho's location. Operation Devil's Gate was a go. Brightman took a huge risk approving the mission. The U.S. military was drawing down in Afghanistan. Sending in a revenge team to kill a low-profile terrorist was not an appropriate use of U.S. resources. If anyone found out, she'd lose her position and face jail time. It would cause a huge scandal for the administration and the CIA."

  "She must have felt terrible for holding you back when you were trying to save Eden. She was trying to make it up to you."

  "I appreciate that. Doesn't bring her back but feels good to know the government did right by me."

  "So, you went to get him?"

  "Once I got the order, the men of Alpha Squadron assembled, and we took off on the mission to kill Jericho. A week of surveillance, we never saw you."

  "They didn't let me outside."

  "Right. So, we engaged the guards out front during a shift change. Blew off the front door and the roof."

  "I remember the explosions. I was terrified."

  "We didn't find Jericho. We killed his brother Zulu and a few of his men, but we didn't get him. Koda discovered you tied to the bed under the stairs and fuck if I didn't see Eden's face in yours. I had to fight seeing your innards on the floor, seeing you raped by some deranged jihadist who thinks he's the chosen one. I managed to lock it down and get you home."

  I rested my cheek on his pec and rubbed his shoulder.

  "You were a complication. The plan was to drop you off at the airport and be done with it, keep my hands clean. But on the plane, you intrigued me. After all you'd been through, you managed to make my dog smile. When you told me about the Brotherhood, I couldn't unload you at the airport like luggage. I had to protect you from your dad."

  "You didn't have to, but I'm glad you did."

  "After you gained your strength, you drew me in. Couldn't keep my eyes off your hair, your smile, your dancing in the kitchen. You filled that dreary apartment with blinding sunshine." He ran his hand over my hair. "I treated you like shit. I'm sorry. But you were young and starting out, ready to take on the world. And I knew I'd destroy you with the shitstorm that hurts the women I touch."

  I shook my head and sat up. I traced my hand along his strong jaw, but he remained still, his gaze focused far away. I touched his lips, and he turned his eyes to mine.

  "I was attracted to you too. Even the first night, when you took off your boots and talked about Takoda. I knew then I liked you. I felt the current between us from the beginning."

  His hand curled behind my neck under my hair, and his thumb stroked below my ear. "Me too. The second I saw you in my tee after you showered, all kinds of need to possess you raced through me. You had a clean slate to fly, experience all the colors you'd been denied your whole life. I couldn't taint your beauty with my black."

  "I see it now, why you left. I had no idea you were battling with all this."

  "I left to kill him, but I was also running. Running from you."

  Chapter 26

  "So, did you kill him?"

  "Yes. Jericho and every last one of his men."

  "And have you found peace?"

  "No." His red-rimmed eyes filled with water. "The guilt will never leave me. She'll always haunt my steps. She died because of me." He placed his other hand on my neck and pulled my face close to his. "I've been wandering around lost in the desert. But you came along like the shade of a palm frond." I closed the distance between us and pressed my forehead to his. He tilted his head and touched a gentle kiss to my closed lips. "For the first time in four years, I'm seeing the possibility. How it could be with you. But it's gonna take some time to change the way I've been living. If you want me too, and you're patient, we can make this into something good. Something that will last a lifetime."

  "I do want you. I'll wait for you. I'll help you."

  His hands on my face tightened and pulled me into a desperate kiss. I wanted to heal him with the kiss. I wanted to take his sorrow from him and replace it with love.

  He pulled back and stared into my eyes. "When I was out there, I looked at pictures of you, knew I'd fucked up. I'd missed my chance. You were moving on to Cutlass. I had to find a way to unfuck it, so I came back. Good thing I did because your dad had found you by then."

  "I wasn't moving on to Cutlass."

  "I can't promise you marriage and a family. I'm the opposite of a bigamist. I had one wife. Not sure I could ever take another. I know that's not fair to you. You deserve to be a first and only wife. You'd be my second wife."

  "Wife? Let's not worry about that now. I don't know if I ever want to get married anyway. I used to dream of being an only wife, but now I know it's a fairy tale. Life doesn't fit into happily ever after boxes."

  He shook his head. "I'm not making myself clear…"

  "But this is not the same kind of second wife as the one I know. Yes, you loved her and think of her. You miss her bitterly and you should. She was taken from you in a brutally unjust way. Her spirit is with you, but her body is gone. Your flesh is starving. You've denied yourself too long. You haven't allowed a woman to touch you in a compassionate way since her. Humans require touch and affection. That's why I picked the name Harlow. He proved it. We can't thrive without human touch." I ran my fingers along his face, making sure to caress his cheekbones and his eyes. "I can share your heart with her. She loved you, and I'll mourn her loss with you. But I wouldn't be sharing you in the flesh. I'd be the only one pleasing your body, and you'd be the only one pleasing mine. There's room for her here." I placed his hand on my chest.

  He kept shaking his head as he looked down at our joined hands. I could tell he was preparing to disagree with me, but I was on a roll and charged forward. He needed to hear my side.

  "I'm not saying I want you to marry me, but I'm saying I understand she'll be a part of us forever, and I don't mind sharing in that way. She made you who you are—the salt of the earth. A good man. I cherish all the facets of you, painful or joyful."

  He looked up at me with impatience glowing through the warm amber in his eyes. "I'm not asking you to share me with her. She released me a while back. My duty and honor wouldn't allow me to let her go till Jericho was dead. I'm saying I'm yours and you're mine. I don't need a piece of paper and a ring to tell me that."

  "Oh."

  He pulled my body up on him and kissed me. A long, slow kiss that tasted new because the truth was between us now. He allowed me to see his weakness. He finally let me inside. Our hands moved faster, feeling each other with ratcheting intensity. I whimpered into the kiss, needing to see and touch his bare skin to match the raw honesty between us.

  He spoke against my lips. "I'm gonna fuck you now. Need to claim you as mine like I shoulda done in the beginning."

  I gasped and bit my lip. My belly fluttered and dropped. "Yes."

  "I'll be gentle."

  "It's okay. Not sure I want you to be gentle. I want you to be who you are."

  "Oh, babe. Do not say shit like that. I'll hold back—the first time."

  I sat up on my knees and leaned into him. "You don't need to." I spoke with my mouth rasping the scruffy hairs on his neck. "I spent my life thinking my first time would be functional with a man I didn't love. I want this to be the opposite of that."

  "We're gonna be fucking all the time, girl. Give me a little recovery time, and I'll take you rough the second time, but the first time, I'll go easy."

  "Okay."

  "So, go get your ice-cream shoes." His deep voice vibrated against my lips.

  "What?"

  "I said I'd go easy. Doesn't mean I won
't go dirty."

  "Oh."

  "Go to the closet. Put on those shoes."

  I pushed off his chest and scampered to the closet and unearthed the shoes from the bottom of my case. I reached to close the door to change.

  "Leave it open." Rogan sat on the end of my bed with his elbows on his knees, his eyes glued to me as I took off my camisole and shorts. I changed into a bra, added my Siege schoolgirl skirt, and slipped into the dangerously tall ice-cream cone heels.

  The misery in Rogan's eyes had melted into a dark hunger. He kept his gaze on me as he tugged his shirt off with one hand behind his neck and tossed it to the floor. I gasped because Rogan's body was magnificent. Each muscle sculpted and tight.

  I sauntered to him, his eyes caressing my shape from head to toe. He looked at me with so much more than appreciation. I felt worshipped.

  "Dance."

  I swayed my hips and smiled at him, bending forward to show him my cleavage. Between my legs, in the mirror behind me, I saw him grab his crotch as he watched the reflection of my ass. I climbed up and hovered over him without our bodies touching. His hands remained motionless by his side. The sniper had me in his sight, waiting for the ideal moment to trigger. I lowered myself on his abs and ground my center into him.

  His head rolled back and he groaned.

  I ran my sex over his rock hard cock, his pants and my underwear wedged between us. With a quick twist, I unsnapped my bra, and the straps slipped down my arms. His eyes moved to my breasts as I pulled my bra away from my body and dropped it to the floor.

  I grinned because it felt fantastic being in control like this.

  "Umph!"

  He flipped me to my back in a flash, slamming his lips to mine with a growl. He pulled away and licked around my nipples and down my belly. "Tasty."

  He dragged my panties down, and his mouth hit my sex. My hands fluttered over his taut shoulders as his lips worked between my legs.

  "Now, Rogan. Need you now."

  "You come first."

  He kept at me and I felt it rising. My orgasm crushed the air from my lungs. I cried out as it blasted through me.

  I took deep breaths to calm myself, but I was high as a kite. He knifed up and tugged the button of his jeans. I sat up on my knees at the edge of the bed and smiled. My turn to watch the show, and what a show. Stark tattoos cut his rugged body, yet his face remained gentle and relaxed.

  "One second." He stepped around me to remove a condom packet from his jeans. Over my shoulder, I watched him slip it on and roll it down. He climbed up behind me, and his cock bumped my lower back.

  I tensed. I couldn't help it.

  "Shh… It's okay."

  He spun me to face him and lowered me down to the bed on my back.

  "We can do it missionary forever for all I care." He hovered over me. "This way I can watch your face when you come."

  Our bodies molded together as he kissed me, and his dick nestled at the apex of my thighs. The electric current between us revved up and drew us together like a magnet. He positioned his tip at my entrance and bit his lip as he eased his way in with short thrusts.

  I felt myself stretch around him and the pressure of Rogan's massive cock filling me. He grunted as he broke through and he was completely inside me.

  He stilled and kissed me. "You good?"

  It felt full and good, but it didn't hurt. "Yes, don't hold back."

  "Fuck." He pumped into me slowly. "So damn tight."

  A delicious friction grew inside me with the speed of his thrusts. His groin rubbed my clit with each sensual slide, and soon, another orgasm formed deep in my core, threatening to break me in half.

  "Love you, Rogan." I wrapped my arms around his back and clung to him to ground me or I'd take off flying.

  "Love you too, babe." His voice scratched with his passion, and his arms bracketed me in a cocoon that made it safe to let go. My walls clenched around him, and a power so strong and beautiful slashed through my soul. I cried out with the overwhelming force of it.

  "That's my girl." He growled in my neck. His thrusts sped up, and he threw his head back. In his face, I saw him release all the years of pain and waiting and denial. He relinquished it all into me, and I accepted it with open arms.

  He panted and lowered his head to my chest, sprinkling kisses up my neck.

  "Been waiting for that." A sated smile lit up his eyes.

  "A really long time."

  He chuckled. "Anything that holds value is worth waiting for. Nothin' more valuable to me than you."

  "Oh…"

  "Wanted your first time to be memorable."

  "I'd call that memorable. And a lot of other things."

  "Mmm." He rolled us to our sides and broke our connection. He brushed a lock of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear.

  "About what I said…"

  "What, that you love me?"

  "And you said it back… in the heat of the moment. You don't have to say—"

  "Woman, cut it out. You're not hearing me. That's on me for planting so much doubt in your head. Let me lay it out for you; I'm crazy about you." His thumb brushed my swollen bottom lip. "I knew when I first saw this smile, I was a goner."

  I smiled big for him because he said the words I'd been dying to hear for so long.

  He nuzzled my ear, sending tremors to my core. "If you hunger, I'll starve to feed you." He ran his soft lips down the side of my neck and nipped at my collarbone. "If you lack, I'll go destitute till you have abundance." My skin tingled where his lips trailed down to the curve of my breasts and kissed each one, skimming and nibbling up to my right shoulder and back to my neck. "If your heart craves it, I'll break mine to get it for you." He completed his circle and pressed a tender kiss to my lips. "So, you see now, I love you."

  "I love you too."

  He leaned across me to grab his pants from the floor. He changed the condom and thrust up into me. I gasped as his hand slid between us and massaged my sensitive clit. My legs wrapped around his back, wanting to pull him as close as two people could be. I clawed at his shoulders as another orgasm pummeled through me. He grunted and huffed short breaths into my mouth. His eyes squeezed shut, and we both gasped for air as he came inside me again.

  "Only one who might love you more is Takoda."

  I giggled, and his eyes watched my lips. He moved inside me a few more times before he withdrew his cock and got up from the bed. "Be right back."

  He returned from the bathroom and settled me in his arms with my head against his chest, my thigh over his hip. His hand glided up my leg to my shoulder and down again.

  "Let's go home to Boston. You're moving in with me." His lids hung half-hooded, and the honey in his eyes flickered in the light.

  "Wow. Okay."

  "No more dancing in boxes. Calling Dallas and getting you outta that gig."

  I grumbled. "Okay."

  "But you can wear your schoolgirl outfit and dance for me anytime."

  I laughed. "I got that impression from what we just did."

  His arm around my back tightened as he reached over me to turn out the light.

  "No more Cutlass." His gruff voice vibrated against my ear.

  I kissed his lips and his neck.

  We'd have to talk about Lachlan Cutlass later. Right now, all that mattered was our love and the sanctuary of Rogan's divine body wrapped around mine.

  ***

  The next morning, Rogan stayed in bed with me as long as possible. He cracked my bedroom door to check the hallway and jumped back, hiding with his back flat against the door. He blended into the pattern somehow and I could barely see him. I giggled watching the disappearing Boggs in action. He put one finger over his lips to shush me.

  "I saw you, dear." As the door opened, Rogan moved with it. Gwen's head slowly appeared in the doorway. I'd never seen Rogan look scared before, but his face burned red and his shoulders stiffened like he was holding his breath. "It's okay, son. We all need to make a little whoopee now
and again. It's good for the soul." She smiled at me, and I pulled the sheet up to my chin.

  Rogan rolled his eyes as he moved with the closing door. "The one person who can always see me is my mom. Wish I could get some of those eyes in the back of my fucking head."

  We both laughed. "Oh no. Now she knows we were knocking boots."

  "Knocking boots?" He scrunched his brow and crawled up the bed to my face. "Young lady, what have you been looking at on the internet that you picked up a term like knockin' boots?"

  "I don't know."

  "You ever watch porn?"

  "Oh my gosh. How did you know?"

  "I didn't, but now I do. Spill."

  "See…" How could I tell him this? "The couple I babysat for, Mr. Jensen, he farms chickens."

  His lips quirked. "He farms chickens and this leads to porn?"

  "He was very nice to me for years. I wanted to make him a gift for his twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. They were having a party and I couldn't go, but I felt like I should give him a gift."

  "And the porn comes in how?"

  "I thought I'd sew him a tie with chickens on it."

  Rogan pressed his lips together to suppress a laugh. He must've seen where I was going.

  "And I searched for hen tie patterns."

  Rogan burst out laughing. "And you got Hentai?"

  "I did. All these cartoons and graphic sex videos."

  "And so you turned off your phone like a good girl?"

  "No way. I was like what the heck is this? A whole world of stuff I'd never seen. Hentai is art. Really dirty art."

  Rogan put his hand over his stomach as he laughed.

  "It made me wonder what else was out there. And then all these ads started popping up linking to porn sites. I checked a few out."

  "I bet you did. Did you like it?"

  "Some of it, yes. Most of it, no."

  "What parts did you like?"

  "I liked when the girls wore sexy clothes and a guy would tie her up. I also liked watching guys tied up—their naked bodies writhing around on a table or the floor, all helpless."